In retrospect… I was a mess.
In retrospect… I understand that I am truly blessed to have so many people who love me, who wanted the best for me. I understand how many people are still pulling for me to pull out that 89th minute win.
I am so new on my recovery journey. Optimistic, expectant of the best. I know from experience that big dreams require best effort on a consistent, measurable, incremental basis.
In retrospect, I now have the clarity to see that my efforts were generally abysmal. Just enough to offer a credible bluff. Taking on a lot, and then not even executing a good Monday.
In retrospect, I am grateful to be steadfastly sober, early in recovery and on the cusp of writing some spectacular new Chapters in a pretty good life. The beauty of it is, that I am not attached to any particular outcome. The privilege I have been granted is that I have decided to release, comfortable in my surrender, and will leave it all in the Spirit’s hands. What is left of my crumbled foundation still has all the elements required for a fabulous renovation, incorporating all that’s new and then some too. I understand that if I just stay sober, I will ALWAYS have a chance.
So often I have thought about what I’d give to have all I wasted back again, just one more chance. Retrospectively, it’s all good.